Posted by: Matthew | February 28, 2007

I Feel…

I feel good when I play video games because video games are cool.
I feel bad when my sister picks on me because she always walks in my room and dances.
I feel first-class when I ride my bike because I jump better than all of my friends.
I feel awesome when I go to my dad’s because I have Stingray bike there.
I feel like I don’t exsist when my sister does not answer me.
I feel totally deranged when I jump down the stairs.
I feel rearranged when I switch from the TV to the computer.
I feel responsible for taking care of my library books.
I feel happy around my mamaw because we watch home movies.
I feel like I am 16 when I am racing in my dwarf car.
I feel defeated by my emetophobia.
I feel amazing because I have a cat. He is like my brother. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to him.

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Responses

  1. Hey Matthew,

    I used to have “vomit anxiety” when I was a kid and a teenager. Not to the extent that you do, it sounds like, but it was always something I worried about. I used to throw up pretty easily, and I was always afraid it would happen at an inopportune time. I’ll tell you how I got over it, though–maybe it will help a little bit.

    One day I was taking a vacation in Bolivia, a country in South America right next to Brazil. I with a friend of mine, and we were traveling to an island in the middle of Lake Titikaka (funniest named island EVER!). We were in a medium sized boat, along with a bunch of other tourists, and the waters were really choppy, so the boat kept going up and down and up and down and … well, you get the picture.

    It was making us all feel really nauseated (except for the boat captain, who was used to it), but no one wanted to throw up in front of a bunch of strangers. And I didn’t want to throw up in front of my friend, of course. But about 20 minutes into the trip I could see that we were still a long way away from the island (another half an hour, at least), and I was feeling sicker by the minute. So I said to myself, “you know what: this is stupid. I know I’m going to throw up sooner or later. I should just do it now and get it over with.”

    So I did. I just went to the side of the boat and threw up. And everyone looked else looked embarrassed for me–but I felt great. I was, like, “I should have done that 10 minutes ago!” And for the rest of the trip, while everyone else looked totally miserable, I had a good time. A bunch of other people threw up too, but not until later because they all held out as long as they could. My friend never threw up, and he felt terrible for the rest of the day. I kept telling him to just vomit and get it over with, but he was too stubborn, and instead insisted on suffering pointlessly for hours thereafter.

    Ever since then I have had a whole different attitude about throwing up. I used to think it was the worst thing that could happen, but I learned that, most of the time, you only throw up when you should throw up. Now if I have the flu or something, and I feel queasy, I just go ahead and throw up. I figure that, if my body says I should throw up, it’s probably right. I still don’t like throwing up, but I don’t worry about it, because it only happens very, very rarely, and when it does it’s almost always for a good reason.

    Anyway, maybe that helps a little, maybe not. In any case, good luck with your emetophobia. Maybe you should get a calendar or something and, every day you don’t throw up, X out the day. Then, after a while, you can quickly see how long its been since the last time you threw up–that might help you realize that it doesn’t happen very often.

    Cheers!

    P.s. I would like to see a picture of you in your dwarf car–that sounds cool.

  2. Hang in there! I am an adult with emetophobia and have had it since I was 9 years old. You just have to try and get by one day at a time. Think positive if you can! Don’t let it defeat you. 🙂

  3. Hey Matthew!
    Umm… that bike you have at your Dad’s house is AWESOME!!!!!!
    I’m jealous. I think that is just about the coolest freaking bike I’ve ever seen. You should have your Mom or Dad take a picture of you doing some jumps on your bike and then post them on your blog so we can check out your skillz.

    Anyway… I told you before that I was going to get a dog for my son and I’m pretty sure we are going to get either a brown or black Labrador. Cool, huh?
    By the way… I hope you start feeling better soon about the emetophobia. I think what your first commenter suggested about thinking differently about it and then the calendar idea was great.

  4. I am amazed that you can sit and write about those feelings, most adults would struggle to say that.

    Impressed.

    Thanks for the email it was great to hear from you

    xC

  5. Emetophobia?! Wish I’d known that word when I was younger. I had a weird sleeping problem where I’d wake up feeling really dizzy, and then I’d throw up. Several times a night, all night long. This went on for years. It was awful.

    I still hate throwing up and will do ANYTHING to avoid it. When I feel really sick, I try to remember that throwing up is my body’s way of making me feel better. Sometimes it helps.

    Like your post about your Grampie, I think it’s great that you wrote down all these feelings. You must be a really neat kid.

  6. Hello there.

    Just letting you know I share your fear–emet, too. I’m so proud of you for recognizing your fear at such a young age! I had it since about the 4th grade and never ever today anybody about it until 2004 at the age of 23. Keeping things silent are hard and I’m so glad you can speak up about it. We need people to help us through it all! I’m writing a one-woman show about it called “echo chamber”. I perform it in Chicago in May and it’s about my anxiety related to emetophobia. That’s the way I’m working on dealing with it, by educating people about it.

    I even named my blog after a joke my husband and I share about my “safe foods”…bread and water–what they supposedly eat in jail. Haha.

    Be brave and strong! You’re not alone and together we can beat this thing!
    Keep up the excellent photography!
    Tif (jaildiet@yahoo.com)

  7. Keep your chin up emet. It’ll get better soon.


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